I’m looking forward to a day when I have time to paint peacefully all day long. Right now, I’m too busy, and I have to get going again. Besides, I currently have another project.
However, I would like to get back into the routine of keeping a sketchbook with regular drawings. Drawing atmosphere or expressing with words feels easier now.
I bought this book at a flea market in Berlin. It’s actually a black leather cover with interchangeable notebooks. Here’s a poem I’ve written about my notebook.
Verse 1
I enjoy the solitude, but I shouldn’t.
I have spent too much time alone.
I love to think, lost in my thoughts,
But I should keep the book closed.
My mind tells me I’ve had enough.
The Death is again calling a bluff.
Playing it’s hand, cold and tough,
There’s a quick race in my heart.
Chorus
Too many regrets, too many neglects.
Keeping an eye on the exit, seeking for help.
Feeling lost in the chaos, I know I’m not well.
They want my soul, but I have nothing to sell.
Verse 2
Sweaty hands, while anxiety kicks through.
The crowd around me, I am unsure what to do.
With every heartbeat, I feel my worries grew.
My imagination makes the end feel so true.
Death is whispering silently in my ear,
Take care of your needs, my little deer.
The voice of the worries is all that I hear.
Dark shadows of doubt draw ever near.
Chorus
Too many regrets, too many neglects.
Keeping an eye on the exit, seeking for help.
Feeling lost in the chaos, I know I’m not well.
They want my soul, but I have nothing to sell.
Verse 3
I wonder what I’ve been doing wrong,
Caught in a loop, singing the same old song.
I might be at a place where I don’t belong.
Death still hasn’t won, it’s just a draw.
It’s all becoming too much for me,
Please leave me alone, please leave.
I turn my pockets; here is everything I have.
I take back my suicide, I don’t want to be dead.
Chorus
Too many regrets, too many neglects.
Keeping an eye on the exit, seeking for help.
Feeling lost in the chaos, I know I’m not well.
They want my soul, but I have nothing to sell.
Verse 4
I’m seeking for peace, I just want to rest and chill,
Sitting calm in a chair, no fears, no anxiety.
No heart race, no sweaty hands, no thrill,
I just want calmness, where time stands still.
I would give everything for a peace of mind,
no weights on my shoulders, just feeling light.
In a world full of calm, where true comfort I’ll find,
Where nothing feels wrong and everything is right.
Chorus
Too many regrets, too many neglects.
Keeping an eye on the exit, seeking for help.
Feeling lost in the chaos, I know I’m not well.
They want my soul, but I have nothing to sell.
Outro
In the middle of nowhere, in the dark of the night,
Feeling relaxed as I always do, and worries take flight.
Don’t panic. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.
You don’t need to run away, everything will be alright.
I just called a number, but unfortunately, it went to an answering machine. The person could theoretically call me back now. 😅
How nice that would be! 💫
…But it’s probably just a dream.
One of my favorite artists is Lewis Capaldi. I’m currently listening to ‘Love the Hell Out of You.‘ 🎹 🎶 I love the passion and timbre of his voice.
I hope he is getting well soon. 🙏 🙏 🙏 😇
I think someone just needs a lot of hugs. But how many hugs are enough to cure a wounded soul? 🤔
Title: Missing Opportunities
(Verse 1)
In the quiet of the night, I cannot sleep
I turn on the kettle for another cup of tea.
There’s something that lies in between.
I return to the place where we used to be.
I reach out my hand for a loose thread
Hoping for you to pull me out of the dread.
I’ve been wondering what you actually said.
While watching the blue’s fading into red.
(Chorus)
Wondering what was, what could have been,
Writing all these songs, have you even seen?
Wondering what was, what could have been,
Do you feel the same, do you think of me?
(Verse 2)
I wonder what you’re doing, where you are tonight,
Do you think of me when the moon is bright?
What do you think about when the stars align?
Is there a connection, or are we just passing time?
So many hours passed, so many miles left behind
both of us are looking for something lost to find
When I look at you, when you look in my eyes,
We watch the world rush by us with past signs.
(Chorus)
Wondering what was, what could have been,
Writing all these songs, have you even seen?
Wondering what was, what could have been,
Do you feel the same, do you think of me?
(Verse 3)
Too many miles apart, to many reasons against
Would you be my mate, would you be my loving friend?
Too many years apart, too many things happened
Trying to give you a hint through a silent comment.
The probability is low. The chance is slim.
The sky gets dark. The light is growing dim.
Climbing up the cliffs, the air is getting thin,
Out of nowhere, there is a loose thread within.
(Bridge)
You are there. And I am here.
As the sun sets, the moon draws near.
Too far away, but you can make a call
Nothing at all, just silence in the hall.
Nothing at all, just the sound of leaves as they fall.
I’ll be here through it all, waiting for your call.
(Chorus 2)
You’re wondering what was, what could have been,
Are you there, am I still here?
Wondering what was, what could have been,
Was it something or was it nothing?
You wonder what is, what can we be?
Do you want to follow me?
You might wonder where this will lead,
Don’t worry, just trust me.
(Outro)
What do you want to tell me – I don’t understand
Time is passing by day by day, chances slip away
Too many opportunities lost, like grains in hand,
Fleeting moments vanish, as night replaces day.
I wanted to tidy up the blog and delete some unnecessary posts. I restored several blog entries, but they are now in the wrong order according to the publishing date. The posts have been accidentally shuffled.
I’m not sure when I will begin drawing the illustrations for the poems, but it would be a lovely project to illustrate this poetry book.
Can I use the title ‘Book of Longing’? I think it fits quite well. Alternatively, ‘Sleepless Nights’ could also be fitting, or perhaps ‘Horizon,’ ‘Sun & Moon,’ ‘Sunset,’ ‘From Red to Blue,’ or ‘From Blue to Red.’ The red color would represent love, while the blue would symbolize love sickness or simply feeling blue.
Verse 1
I’m doing well, I’m doing bad,
You love me, you don’t love me,
I pick petals, one by one,
Sitting in the meadow, where the flowers are done
How are you? Thanks, I’m doing fine,
But in my heart, someone committed a crime.
My heart is broken, everything is stolen
I sweep away the pile of shards unspoken
Chorus
The mood is down, the vibe is off
I just mourn for someone, who’s not here anymore
I sit lost at the bar of this club of broken hearts.
Depressed, desperate, suffering and fucked up.
Verse 2
Have I told you, how much I hate you?
Have I told you, how much I love you?
I long for the days when everything was bright,
But you don’t want that and can’t see any light
My life would be fine if there wasn’t heartbreak
It turns every truth into something that’s fake.
You’re worth so much that everything is at stake
Without you, I just don’t want to be awake.
Verse 3
I’m low as the basement, dark, gray and cold
I search for the peace in the memories I hold.
Take painkillers, they say, thinking it will help.
As if it were that simple, I’m left here to yelp.
It just feels like death, a pain that never fades,
A constant reminder of the hope that decays.
Hurt and disappointed, broken and feeling bad,
A bit of everything, but mostly I’m feeling deeply sad
Verse 4
Not ready for the fall, I refuse to give in
I don’t need a therapist… screw him
I don’t want therapy, I wish you were here,
I don’t want to die, I just wish you were near
Then everything would be okay,
With you by my side, we’ll find our way.
Not ready for the downfall, not ready for the pain,
Better cling to lies, to protect the heart’s reign.
Verse 5
In the world of infinite, it’s you what I miss.
I have no idea. What did I do to deserve this?
Always suffering so much, it pulls me down,
Like a weight on my shoulders, I’m starting to drown.
I just wanted the best, nothing bad, no strife,
Yet the list of accusations remains in my life.
Impossible to pay off these debts for you
You’re more ruthless than the chess computer Deep Blue
Outro
Yet I carry on, not thinking, just doing,
In the silence of the meadow, where the flowers are strewn.
Everything goes on, but love stands still,
For one who is everything, whom I cannot fulfill.
Fell in loop
Verse 1
I’m too confused and too blind,
To see it clearly, it’s hard to find.
No hint is clear enough for me,
I’m sending you a message, hoping that you see
Hidden behind a screen, I write,
I just love everything about you, you shine so bright.
Your voice and your charm, your character too,
Everything about you is beautiful and true.
Chorus
Now I sit here thinking only of you,
Day in, day out, caught in this loop.
Like a song I play on repeat,
I’m just waiting for a sign, that i seek
I need it like the air I breathe,
What are you doing to me? I can’t believe.
Verse 2
When I first saw you, I never would have guessed,
You’d become the most important, my heart’s request.
That I think of you every day, it’s all I can do
You give my life meaning, I’m drawn to you.
When I first saw you, I didn’t know I was in love,
You steal my sleep away, like a loud song that won’t stop.
When I first saw you, I had no idea,
Of the draw that pulls me near.
Bridge
Is it really true? Is it what I think it is?
I still don’t know, I try to read your lips.
I can’t believe it, nothing is what it seems
Are you really there, or is it just a dream?
Are you talking to me, or just in the air?
Do you mean me, or someone else out there?
Outro
I fell in a loop, lost in my mind,
Searching for answers, but they’re hard to find.
With every heartbeat, I’m drawn to you,
In this hidden space, what am I to do?
Caught in a loop, can’t break free,
Just a track away, will you find me?
Dans la nuit du parc
Verse 1
Je t’écris cette lettre, le cœur encore blessé,
Je sais que c’était un jeu, mais j’étais si vulnérable,
Le choc fut trop fort, prends-moi avec douceur,
Je cherche la paix de l’âme, loin de toute douleur.
À me reposer dans un fauteuil, sans crainte, sans peur,
Être serein, simplement, dans un monde de douceur.
Sans redouter les hauteurs, ni la chute qui attend,
Je rêve d’un avenir, où je serai apaisant.
Refrain
Dans la nuit du parc, où les ombres gardent,
Je cherche des réponses, une nouvelle chance.
Les étoiles brillent avec des secrets oubliés,
Dans ce monde de silence, je veux m’évader.
Verse 2
Était-ce écrit ainsi ? Fallait-il que cela arrive ?
Je ne le sais pas, mais c’est déjà fait,
Le temps ne peut revenir, parfois tout va bien,
Puis le moral s’effondre, comme un rêve incertain.
Je marche la nuit dans le parc, sous un ciel étoilé,
Quelques réverbères brillent, éclairant mon sentier.
De lumière en lumière, je parcours l’obscurité,
Sous les arbres majestueux, je me sens libéré.
Bridge
La nuit est comme un cimetière, quelques âmes égarées,
Des chats qui frôlent mon chemin, dans la brume voilée.
Marbre et vestiges antiques, immenses bibliothèques,
Petites boutiques pleines d’artisanat, des trésors cachés.
Refrain
Dans la nuit du parc, où les ombres gardent,
Je cherche des réponses, une nouvelle chance.
Les étoiles brillent avec des secrets oubliés,
Dans ce monde de silence, je veux m’évader.
Verse 3
La vieille ville aux maisons à colombages,
Un décor romantique, un doux paysage.
Ville pittoresque, tu me manques, c’est vrai,
Dans tes ruelles étroites, je voudrais m’y plaire.
Tout est si beau, comme dans un carnet de croquis,
Je voulais être artiste, dessiner la vie.
Une collection de belles images, un carnet de vers,
Capturer l’atmosphère, comme un poète en l’air.
Verse 4
Et quand le temps s’arrête, que les ombres s’effacent,
Je chérirai en moi le souvenir de ta trace.
Chaque pas que je fais, chaque espoir que je bâtis,
Me rapproche un peu plus de cette douce malice.
Raconter des histoires à travers les images,
J’aime cet endroit, mais je devais faire un passage.
Je ne voulais pas vivre dans le passé,
Il fallait avancer, vers un futur à tracer.
Outro
Dans la nuit du parc, je laisse mes pensées,
S’envoler comme des feuilles, au gré des années.
Avec l’espoir en moi, je continue d’avancer,
Vers un nouveau horizon, où je peux avancer.
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